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So, a rabbi and a priest were talking.
The priest says to the rabbi, "You should become a priest."
The rabbi says, "Why?"
"Oh?" said the rabbi. "How is it different if you're a priest?"
"Well, if you're a priest and if you do a good job, then you can get promoted to a bishop. And if you do a good job there, then maybe you can become a cardinal. And if you do well there, then maybe one day you can even become the pope!"
"And then what happens?" the rabbi asked.
"What do you mean what happens?! You're the pope! Who else do you think he could become, Jesus?!" said the priest.
The rabbi replied, "Why not? One of our guys did it."
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Dr. Nitza Nachimas, International Terrorism
Towson University, Baltimore, MD
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 1, 2009 |
True joke from my teacher in International Terrorism class today.
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| Rating: 9 |
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"Now I'm not going to name names...but please do not try to Facebook friend me. It makes me feel bad when I have to say no."
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Professor Carla Goar, Race/Sociology
Northern Illinois University, Dekalb, Illinois
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submitted: October 4, 2009 |
(It was somewhere along these lines). She is one of the best professors at NIU.
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| Rating: 9 |
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"Some people trim. I dont trim."
*points to a girls in the front row then to a guy on the other side*
"she might trim but he might not, I dont mind if you trim or not, but I dont."
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Prof. Berry, Stats
Colorado state university, fort collins, Colorado
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submitted: October 5, 2009 |
He is a really old fashioned statistic teacher. hes talking about throwing out extreme numbers from number sets.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Reproduction does have it's ups and downs.
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Mr. Davids, Zoology
topeka west high school, topeka, ks
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submitted: October 6, 2009 |
My zoology teacher said this during a lesson on reproduction.
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| Rating: 8 |
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Another example of a ritual is the presentation of a bride and groom at the beginning of a wedding reception... I don't remember how they do it, exactly. I've been to many weddings, but I'm usually drunk by that point.
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Kathryn Lofton, Sexuality and Religion
Yale University, New Haven, CT
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Comments? Add
or View (3)
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submitted: October 8, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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Teacher: "As an example: I pull up on the chalkboard and it moves up" and this happens. "But if I pull on it," and she does. "I doesn't move."
Me: "I would have laughed so hard if the board had fallen."
Teacher: "I wouldn't. It's heavy, I'd hope you'd all call the cops!"
Me: "But it would be perfect with all the problems you've had."
Teacher: *shrugs and goes to write something on the board*
*light bulb falls off the chalk-board and nearly hits the teacher*
Class: *starts laughing hysterically*
Me: "I'M SORRY!"
Teacher: *glares*
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Prof. Sonya Bahar, Basic Physics 1012
University of Missouri- St. Louis, St. Louis, Missouri
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submitted: October 8, 2009 |
Okay we were talking about work and it's relation to force and direction, and the chalkboard moves up and down on a rolly-thing, and it has been giving us problems ever since the first day of class. EX: none of the lights working, half of the lights working, a cover on one of the lights falling off, an extra projector sheet falling on top of it and onto the stage, etc.
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| Rating: 7.66667 |
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"The technical term for this function is fucked up slinky"
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Mr. larsen, Calculus 3
SMC, Dowagic, MI
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submitted: October 11, 2009 |
He's a Calculus teacher and he was talking about a helix in 3-d space.
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| Rating: 10 |
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"Can I erase this? Because it's wrong."
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Ed Acuna, Basic Illustration
Austin Community College, Austin, TX
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 15, 2009 |
| Rating: 8.5 |
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"A lazy eye is better than a lazy body!"
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Ed Acuna, Basic Illustration
Austin Community College, Austin, TX
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 15, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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"I've never been sad."
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Ed Acuna, Basic Illustration
Austin Community College, Austin, TX
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submitted: October 15, 2009 |
And then he recalled the one time in his life when he was sad, and told us about when he took some medication in order not to become sea-sick on a trip... and it made him gloomy.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Is that a diary..? I'm probably in it. From the beginning of the semester -- 'That bastard! I hate his guts'!"
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Ed Acuna, Basic Illustration
Austin Community College, Austin, TX
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 15, 2009 |
Haha this is especially funny because it was so uncharacteristic of him to swear...
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| Rating: unrated |
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"We do have a few faculty members that still insist on using a text-based browser... They load pages faster because they don't need to worry about images, and they believe it helps them get straight to the core of the information. These are people who have PhDs in Library Sciences, so..."
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Sean Boyle, Intro to Multimedia
Rochester Institute of Technology, Rochester, NY
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submitted: October 16, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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Referring to photoshop...... Brightness contrast tool, thats a blunt shovel i like my victims dead a lot faster.
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Christine Flavin, AD417 Photography Seminar
Norther Michigan University, Marquette, MI
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submitted: October 20, 2009 |
When you have had a Professor for so long they stop thinking about what they say to you.
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| Rating: unrated |
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*with two girls as a demonstration*
If the centriole is over here, we pull the sister chromatids just fine. But what if the centriole was up here? *tugs on girls hoodies* We end up pulling their tops off.
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Sandi Connelly, Gen Bio 1
Rochester Institute of Technology, Rochester, NY
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submitted: October 21, 2009 |
Derobing students: a great way to teach mitosis.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Write something that you would have liked to have had when you fist approached these tasks (if you actually _like_ the Unix man pages for learning new things, then pretend you're "normal" and write something a little more user friendly).
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Phil White, Professional Communications
Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT), Rochester, New York
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 21, 2009 |
On the instructions for a User Documentation assignment.
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| Rating: unrated |
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I tried telling somebody I was a philosopher once. And he replied, 'well I'm a Presbyterian."
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Wade Robison, Intro to Ethics
Rochester Institute of Technology, Rochester, NY
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submitted: October 21, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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You see when they say "dying" in the madrigals at this time, it meant "to orgasm"... so he really did want to die all day.
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Leta Miller, Music 11A
UCSC, Santa Cruz, CA
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submitted: October 21, 2009 |
while we were talking about some of the first madrigals.
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| Rating: unrated |
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There's a fine line between beautiful and slutty. Kind of like Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox.
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Will Adams, Greek and Roman Humanities
Valencia Community College, Orlando, Florida
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submitted: October 23, 2009 |
He was talking about how even though Aphrodite is commonly associated with being the goddess of beauty, Hera was really the most beautiful goddess while Aphrodite was more sexy.
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| Rating: unrated |
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The process of learning science involves being lied to less and less. Unfortunately, this is a Freshman level class -- so pretty much everything I'm telling you here is a lie. However there are two main differences between my lies and the lies you heard in high school. (1) I admit they are lies, and (2) my lies are testable.
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Dr. Mike Larsen, PHYS 201
University of Nebraska at Kearney, Kearney, NE
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Comments? Add
or View (1)
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submitted: October 23, 2009 |
| Rating: 8 |
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What is the proper method for sucking?
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Prof. Scott Mellor, 235 Lit Trans
UW Madison, Madison, WI
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 27, 2009 |
He was talking about papers, and how you can't just tell someone that theirs sucks. You have to be more detailed.
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| Rating: unrated |
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I'm just trying to imagine your life experience with semen.
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Brett Williams, Anthropology-Taboos
American University, Washington, DC
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Comments? Add
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submitted: October 28, 2009 |
Crazy hippie professor discussing taboos around bodily fluids.
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| Rating: 8 |
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