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Jump to page:
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"Forget all that happy crap you learned in high school..."
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Mr. Nelson Smith, Pre-Calculus
Augusta State University, Augusta, Ga
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submitted: March 11, 2009 |
First day of my freshman year in college...
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| Rating: 5.5 |
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Okay class, I found the definition on urbandictionary.com. "Fisty. Someone angry or upset, ready to get into a fight. Also a woman who enjoys...oh my."
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Mrs. Fonden, English 10 H
Westford Academy, Westford, Ma
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submitted: March 8, 2009 |
The word fisty appears in the book The Catcher in the Rye. We asked our teacher for a definition. Hilarity ensued.
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| Rating: 7.375 |
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How was the exam?
-What I expected
-Somewhat harder than I expected
-Like I got herpes from a $500 hooker
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, CSA
Miami University, ,
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submitted: March 7, 2009 |
This was written on the white board from the class before mine. I am NOT taking that class.
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| Rating: 9 |
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"The American Indians were Fucked by the Five Fickle Fingers of Fate."
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Dr. Hawk, Intro to the North American Indians
Eastern New Mexico University, Portales, New Mexico
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submitted: March 7, 2009 |
This was my favorite quote from Dr. Hawk. He was an AmerIndian himself and had tenure. An extremely memorable quote from an amazing Proff. I remember it from 1990. RIP Dr. Hawk.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"even a blind monkey banging on the keyboard will eventually get the right code"
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Prof John Bell, CS 109
University of Illinois at Chicago, Chicago, Illinois
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submitted: March 6, 2009 |
This after someone asked about wouldn't all the codes look the same
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Right now you can hear classes all over the building sucking"
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Prof Johnson, english 160
University of Illinois at Chicago, Chicago, Illinois
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submitted: March 6, 2009 |
| Rating: 9 |
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Mummy, Mummy! Guess what I learned in school today! McDonald's is breasts and fascists are funny!
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Professor Strasser, Music Marketing
Northeastern University, Boston, MA
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submitted: March 5, 2009 |
| Rating: 10 |
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Student: But mine ends with the grandmother...
Dr. Rubin: Who translated this? Helen Keller?
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Dr. Jason Rubin, Romantacism and Realism
Washington College, Chestertown, Maryland
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submitted: March 5, 2009 |
The class was comparing their different translations of the play Woyzeck.
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| Rating: 10 |
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"So you guys think I'm not hip, but let me tell you, I just bought the new Green Day album this week. It's pretty good, I like it. But why do they have to keep saying 'faggot America'? Can't they just say 'homosexual-American America'?"
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Mr. Lork, AP Stats
Lockport Township High School, Lockport, IL
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submitted: March 5, 2009 |
this was 4 years ago when American Idiot came out, but I just found this site and to this day i've never forgotten that
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| Rating: 4.33333 |
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Pre-Civilization warfare consisted of maybe beating each other with clubs, then you'd carry of some of their women....
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Dr. Allen W Batteau, Intro to Anthro
Wayne State U, Detroit, Mi
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submitted: March 3, 2009 |
Just happened.
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| Rating: 6 |
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Why don't YOU go fetch new batteries for the microphone. If I drop the chalk we're behind schedule.
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Dr Arnold Muller, Engineering Maths
University of Stellenbosch, Stellenbosch, Western Cape
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submitted: March 2, 2009 |
Upon a student at the back of the class complaining that he can't hear.
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| Rating: 10 |
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I made that up, it won't be on the test, and don't tell anyone I said that because it's all bullshit.
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Art, Art HIstory
UPS, Tacoma, wa
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submitted: February 28, 2009 |
My Art History professor talking about a Dutch painting he liked and had a theory about.
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| Rating: 9.25 |
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...but we don't learn exotic pole dancing. If the state of Colorado thought it became necessary for children to learn exotic pole dancing, they would put it in the standards of education, and then we would all have to learn exotic pole dancing, and it would indeed be on the CSAP test.
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Mr. McCabe, AP U.S. History
Lakewood High School (IB Program), Lakewood, Colorado
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submitted: February 28, 2009 |
We were discussing the validity of the subject matter on the state-mandated CSAP tests. Mr. McCabe will surprise you now and then...
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| Rating: 10 |
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This brings me to this next slide! This is an insidious slide. I didn't realise it was here until yesterday. It's evil!
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Peter Sala, Database Analysis and Design
Swinburne University, ,
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submitted: February 28, 2009 |
| Rating: 9.66667 |
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"Never eat ceviche in Miexico. I'm telling yo, NEVER!"
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Jseph P. Caruso, Microbiology
FAU, Boca Raton, FL
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submitted: February 27, 2009 |
When talking about his trip to Mexico and the water they use to cook, which is not so pure...
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| Rating: 8 |
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"sympathy?? if you want sympathy look in the dictionary between the four letter word for feces and syphillis"
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Joseph P. Caruso, Microbiology
FAU, Boca Raton, FL
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submitted: February 27, 2009 |
| Rating: 7 |
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"I could do without knowing personal information about some of my collegues....and I'm sure they feel the same about me."
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Joseph P. Caruso, Microbiology
FAU, Boca Raton, FL
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submitted: February 27, 2009 |
Regarding MySpace and Facebook
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| Rating: 1 |
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"To be truly considered a genius you need to be in the top 2% in the world.....I'm a genius....what???...I'm not kidding....I passed the test....it's pretty easy.....for a genius that is."
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Joseph P. Caruso, Microbiology
FAU, Boca Raton, FL
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submitted: February 27, 2009 |
| Rating: 9 |
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"What???.....I worked in a resturant for 10 years, and that's no excuse to STOP using grammar!"
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Dr. Joseph P. Caruso, Microbiology
Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton, FL
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submitted: February 27, 2009 |
at the end of a tirade about how annoying it is that our society has chosen to drop the "d" from the ends of words such as "iced tea" and "enveloped viruses".....
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| Rating: 9 |
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"Have you ever tried matching a wine to sushi and wasabi? It's like trying to match a wine to an ATOMIC EXPLOSION!"
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Dr. Joseph P. Caruso, Microbiology
Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton, FL
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submitted: February 27, 2009 |
| Rating: 9.5 |
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"Well nowadays everyone has accidentally hooked up with a transvestite, I know I have."
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Glenn Gass, History of Rock and Roll
Indiana University, Bloomington, Indiana
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submitted: February 25, 2009 |
Talking about the song "Lola"
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| Rating: 9.72727 |
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Prof: Statistics show that 90% of people masturbate in the shower. The other 10% sing. Who can tell me the name of the song?
Class: Silence
Prof: Well then I guess I know which group you all fall into.
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Dr. John Brink, Theories of Personality
Calvin College, Grand Rapids, MI
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submitted: February 23, 2009 |
No idea what brought this on.
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| Rating: 9.86666 |
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If you do not do well on this exam, the next thing you should do is find a puddle of mud and try to commit suicide in it.
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Dr. Uckan, Databases
Miami University, Oxford, OH
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submitted: February 22, 2009 |
This guy speaks like Christopher Walken with a heavy Russian accent.
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| Rating: 8 |
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"... what if marshins came to earth and asked you to prove this? Do you want to embarrass the entire human race? They will think we are fools, or maybe wipe us out because of you."
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, Proofs
, Atlanta, GA
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submitted: February 19, 2009 |
response to a student who asked why we needed to know proofs. I don't remember the exact quote, but it was something to that effect. It has become a reoccurring joke.
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| Rating: 3.83333 |
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You know, you could compute the square root of 1.001. Or you could use a slide rule. Yes, that's how it was in my day. You'd have white jeans (not blue because this was LA) and a shirt, and a slide rule case strapped to your belt. Then you were a [i]dude[/i].
We actually went to a slide rule factory when I was a boyscout. I don't really see how that would ever be relevant. Like one day we'd be stuck on a desert island and say "Oh wait! I know this because of our trip to the slide rule factory!" and use that to make banana pudding... or something.
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J. Rosenblatt, MATH 220
Univeristy of Illinois-Urbana/Champaign, ,
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submitted: February 19, 2009 |
I love this teacher. He has this sort of humor where he just veers waaay off course occasionally and starts talking about the oddest stuff (and hello Professor! Thanks for a great semester of calculus if you ever see this).
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| Rating: 10 |
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